“Simple definition by Merriam-Webster”: “a person who you like and enjoy being with”
“a person who helps or supports someone or something (such as a cause or charity)
“Full definition by Merriam-Webster”: (a) “one attached to another by affection or esteem”
(a) “one that is not hostile”
(b)”one that is of the same same nation, party or group”
“one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)”
“a favored companion”
I once faced a very difficult conversation that I knew I needed to have with a close friend. The following is the story behind it:
Due to the craziness of the social life I was living in, I made a choice to move (our entire family) to (at the time), a rural area, sixty miles out of the NYC Boroughs. The expressways didn’t even go out that far. Even though it meant a big commute to work everyday, I needed to make the break.
We made the move and although for awhile, the newly built (rural, but soon to be suburban) community was barren and life was strange at first, (always being city people), there was definitely something very refreshing about it.
Then a strange event took place. One of the very people(s) (friends) that were apart of the social group we were in, that I was trying to leave behind, followed us. They moved their family, and purchased a house there too. That is major, to purchase a house just to follow someone else.
The scenario was as follows; These friends of ours had absolutely no reason to be out there (no less in a rural type area). MY being there was their ONLY reason. This turned into something that demanded immediate attention, but how and what to do about it was a very big question.
The husband commuted by train from sixty miles out, to his job on Wall Street. Going home, he would come to my office in Brooklyn to catch a ride back home. I was caught spending an hour plus in a car with one of the people I had moved away from. Understand, I liked him and we were friends. I just wanted a change and space from all of it, but there I was – Oh sh-t!
Okay, it was what it was.
The next scenario, was on Friday nights. He and his family moved out there to be with me and my family and obviously we would be their social life, just like it was back in Brooklyn. Every Friday night, the phone would ring. It was xxxxx. The first words out of his mouth, were – “Hey Harris, so what are we doing this weekend?”……………..OH NO! It was mortifying! There was no way I ever wanted an every Friday night call – “What are WE doing tonight?” You can call me to ask, “What are YOU doing tonight?” or “Do YOU have any plans for tonight?” NOT “What are WE doing tonight?”.
This went on for a month or two because I didn’t know what or how to deal with this. I knew though, that the bottom line was that this could not go on. I didn’t uproot my entire family and life, be commuting sixty miles and have this all over again.
I had to have a heart to heart talk with this friend, who uprooted his entire family and life just to be with me and my family. The question to myself was – How do I have this conversation without hurting him?
The only answer I could come up with, was – Honestly.
The next day, in person, I asked him: ‘How do you define friendship?”. He said “Two people with the same ideals, enjoyments, looking to go in the same direction in life”.
I said, great and then said, I define it as two people being able to say anything to the other or answer a question in any way, that the other person, although not pleased with what is being spoken, understands that as long as it is the truth and caring, it will be accepted and understood. He understood and agreed.
With that all said, I plunged right ahead and explained myself. All the time, talking with a tone and attitude of caring and loving, as one friend to another should do.
A happy camper he wasn’t, but heard me loud and clear. I felt born again. It was an incredible lesson and experience for me (I cannot imagine what the lesson and experience was for him).
We remained friends to the day he passed and our children are still friends to this day.
It’s MY LIFE and MY COUNTRY & I want it, is the name
of the game.
‘It’s My Money & I Want It!’ is the name of my book.
Learn to stand up for yourself and not be
intimidated by the corporations
Harris Glasser – Author, Lecturer, Business &
Personal Consultant, Debt Settling
www.HarrisHelps.org “It’s My Money & I Want It!”
(More next week)